Lessons in Acceptance

I remember very clearly in August 2017 writing my post, "Change is In the Air." You really should review that one now.  Go ahead. I'll be here waiting for you. 

You really need the continuity to appreciate what comes next. In that post i spoke about the importance of acceptance, especially in reference to loss and painful experiences.

***Important lesson alert***:  There are degrees to everything, including acceptance. The Universe wasn't done with my Smackdown to get my attention. I needed to realize a very important blindspot in my own acceptance. Not "acceptance of .....".  Simply acceptance. Much like vision, hearing, and motor control, acceptance requires practice to master, to really develop it to its fullest potential. 

Oh- excuse this tangent for a moment. A client recently asked me a question after hearing me use the word "Universe". I presumed everyone understood it the same way but in some cultures it has a different connotation. It meant, to him. "evolution", so "atheist".  I didn't mean it that way at all. If you read me for even a little while, you know I do not use the word as a stand in for a Supreme Being, or the lack thereof.  I do not do "who" or "who;s". I do "How".  "The Universe" is my shorthand for the organic intelligence that instructs and coordinates the balance required for the continued growth of all life on the planet. The life includes me. 

So back to Acceptance. Since my poor car was totaled, I suffered a string of blows, surreally similar to one another. Several crooks separated me from a substantial sum of money each time in a series of car related fraud. The details are really irrelevant.  Let me focus on the outcome. To make the story short, I suffered the effect of losing several thousands of dollars in less than 80 days time, and realized the extent of the deprivation mentality around me.

I reeled from it all and thought: "How could I get it so wrong?"  Yes, the pity party was on and I was mad as hell. Until the lesson on acceptance penetrated deeply enough that it transformed me.

The moral of the story: Partial acceptance is really another way of saying partial denial. The glass is definitely half full but you still run out of water more quickly nonetheless. 

Yes, I was determined to not let certain realities about my newish environment get in the way.  That's easy for me. I really bought into the belief early in life that, "If you want something bad enough, apply equal amounts of will and determination until you make it happen." "Fight for what is important to you." Another word for fight is: struggle. The opposite of struggle is ease. Who would prefer choosing struggle over ease? Why?

There is another side to that too: If it requires Herculean will and determination perhaps you should consider more closely whether you should want it.  This idea brings us back to the organic wisdom that governs life in the Universe. The same organic wisdom that you feel in your belly which we call intuition. Its a different kind of "knowing".

The presence of struggle is also the absence of synergy. The tell tale sign of synergy is ease. The absence of synergy lets you know hat all the necessary ingredients are not present in the appropriate proportions. In other words, your instrument is out of tune.

Now, its one thing to tune your instrument. Its an entirely different thing to try to rebuild it so that it plays in tune. The latter is not in keeping with the balance, or the wisdom, that already exists in the Universe. Its out of balance. That's a sign to: "Think again." Reevaluate. Reconsider.

People make this error most often in relationships with others. You see the potential of the relationship if the other person changed, in one form or fashion,  and so you enter into a relationship with the changed person (who only exists in your mind). Then you wonder why you are unhappy with the real relationship! 

I failed to recognize the real reality of my circumstance. I only saw its potential. Trust me, that is no longer the case. I got the message! Not only do I see it in regard to this issue but I see how deeply my beginnings as a scrappy young girl who had to fight for what she wanted, on her own, in the concrete jungle of NYC, lodged within me, so much so they are still active. I developed an over-reliance on will and determination, so much so that I missed the implications of that on my very own needs.  I wasn't listening to myself. I was deaf to a part of my relationship with myself.

If I listened I would've heard this: "There is a better way for you, provided that you are willing to accept the reality of your circumstance NOW. You can't raise the bar and ask that your needs be met if you are ignoring the fact that they aren't met NOW. Stop focusing on the "potential", and how good it'll be in the future. You know, the future?  One of the 2 times that aren't real, for all intents and purposes? (The past being the other). Your quality of life is only meaningful in the Here and Now.

I ask you this:

Are you satisfied with it? If so, why?  If not, why not?  What are you going to do about it?